We're safe! I want to shout this into the black fathomless night sky, to the stars. It's so clear this far north, cold but clear.
We're safe, but not quite yet. I got her out of there, out of the liquid, whatever it was. Away from the aliens. Away from the landslide of snow: snowslide. Oh God I think I'm giddy! Now she's here safe, wrapped in my arms. We're waiting now.
But before that, after we had escaped the snowslide, when I knew she was safe and the adrenaline rush wore off, I...fell asleep-what a hero I am! Scully pulled me into her arms and let me sleep. But finally she became curious and shook me awake.
"Wake up Mulder. We can't just sleep, we have to get out of here. How did you get here?" Scully asked me hoarsely. The tube had scratched up her throat.
"Snowcat. It's over the hill. It's...it's out of gas." I answered avoiding her eyes.
"Are you sure? We should check! I mean-" Her voice rose in panic.
I reached up and grabbed her hand, quieting her. "Scully-it's going to be ok. I told Skinner where I was going before I left the hospital-"
"Hospital? Mulder what happened to you? Are you hurt?" She searched my body with her eyes, seeing if my injury was visible. Noticing the dried blood on my forehead, she reached a hand down and gently brushed it with a featherdown touch, and finally continued with a frown, "you should have stayed in the hospital."
"Maybe the Snowcat still has enough gas to get us somewhere, we should go over the hill." I said, trying desperately to change the subject.
With a sigh Scully dropped it.
So we ran as far as we could. Tripping and stumbling from utter exhaustion, helping each other up, holding each other up. Ran over the hill. Ran to where the Snowcat had been, only now there was just tracks. Only then did we stop.
"Mulder, it's not here. No one's here. They must have taken it and left. But we're ok. And I'm so tired. Can't we just rest for a while?" She said, out of breath.
"Scully, we need to keep moving, keep the blood circulating. I don't...you know I don't want anything to happen to you." So much has happened to her because of me, too much. Why didn't she run screaming the other direction the first chance she got? I could love her for that fact alone.
She sighed, exasperated. "Mulder, I'm fine!" De ja vu! How many countless times has she said that? And just as many times she hasn't meant it! "If being submerged in green liquid and having some cord shoved down my throat isn't going to kill me, sitting certainly won't. Come on! We've done so much that's more dangerous than sitting and resting."
I laugh, not seeing the humor in the situation, but knowing laughter is called for. "Your lips are turning blue."
She grins at me. "So are yours. Come on," she raises an eyebrow in comic suggestiveness, "there aren't any sleeping bags falling from the sky that we can crawl naked into, but we need to combine our body heat."
I laugh for real this time. I remember how that saying had truly ended. I'm tempted to ask her if this means I'm going to get lucky. But I hesitate. How many countless times have I hesitated? "Yes Doctor Scully."
We plop down in the snow, her sitting on my lap, her body at a right angle from mine. Her head resting on my shoulder. I push back her parka a bit with my chin and breath in her scent.
"They'll send a helicopter for us. They'll find us Scully. Don't worry." I don't know if she's worried but I am. So I'm mainly reassuring myself. All this white. Miles upon miles of white. And two, miniscule black specks. If there even is someone looking for us, they certainly have a hell of a job in front of them.
She tips back her head, and gazes into my eyes, a placid look in hers. "You shouldn't have come Mulder. Now both of us are going to-" her eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head, trying to clear them, "I'm not fooling myself Mulder. Why should both of us d...." her voice croaks on the word and now the tears are falling unchecked from her eyes. "You shouldn't have come." She finally manages.
I pull her close and pillow her head on my shoulder. We sit silently this way for quite sometime. I finally speak up when she lifts her head from my now soggy shoulder, the tears spent. "I had the antidote. You know I couldn't have let them hurt you. And I hope you know why. If there was ever the slightest chance of you living-" I shrug, the words are so hard to say. The feelings have been hidden for so long, that I can't verbalize them, "I would run to the ends of the earth, I would jump between you and a flying bullet, I would-" She cuts me off by pulling me into an even tighter embrace, she feels so good. And I'm glad to notice, still so alive.
"Oh Mulder. I know. I know it's hard to say. I've known how you've felt. All this time I've known."
I'm so relieved I feel a knot in my throat. She knows that I love her! "Good. I've wanted you to know. But I've been afraid of what that could do to us."
She pulls back and looks at me. Her eyes bright with unshed tears and something else. "Should we try again without any damn bees around?"
"I thought you would never ask."
So this is what heaven is like. My lips on hers, a feeling that defies any human words, any description. Oh god, her tongue! So rough and yet smooth at the same time. My heart hums with the correctness of it. I want this to be our eternity. Clasped together, nothing mattering. Not the cold, nor the snow that surrounds us. Not even the fact that we're hopelessly lost matters, or the X-Files or, dare I say it, even though it is true it just feels like a sacrilege-Samantha. Nothing matters. Just together, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, forever after. Not even the Smoking Man would have the cruelty to tear this rightness apart.
To soon I feel her body slacken in my grip. Her head nods forward to rest on my shoulder.
My eyes fill with tears. "No Dana. Not now. Come on, let's walk." I try to stand with her but her head lolls back as if her neck is made of rubber. "No!" I clasp her to my chest, but feeling the need for action I take off my vest and put it over the parka I've already cocooned her with. "Come on, we're gonna make it out of here. We aren't going to let them win. We're going to go back and report this all to Skinner, and you'll back me up this time, even though you missed the spaceship. And then-then we'll quit. Move to Borneo. Be safe together. Have a dozen little Mulder-Scully juniors running around. All of them with your determination and red hair, and my love of short people with determination and red hair. We'll grow old together. And die in each-others arms, having seen our grandchildren and all of our dreams come true. Not now, not now." I ramble on, the tears streaming down my cheeks.
I curse my silent decision years ago not to say what I wanted to. How I felt about her. A million reasons ran through my head then. 'It's too dangerous. The bad guys could use you against each other. It's against FBI rules. There's tons of time left.' And on and on and on the reasons went. All of them seem stupid now. I should have realized how risky our line of work is. How tenuous life is. I should have lived for the day because who knew what tomorrow would bring?
"Dana Katherine Scully, I love you. Will you be the craziest woman on earth and make me the happiest man on earth? Will you be Mrs. Spooky Mulder?" How easy it is to say. How long ago I should have let those words tumble from my lips. Tomorrow be damned.
To my amazement her lips are curling into a faint smile. Her eyes slowly blink open. "What took you so long?"
I laugh and kiss her. "Pure stupidity!"
"Yes Fox. Yes, yes, yes!" Her voice fades away into oblivion.
My grin slides away as her chest stops its rise and fall. I check her pulse this time. God! NO! I close my eyes and lay down, curled up next to her. I look at her face. I always loved to do that, when she wasn't looking I would study her. See how her brow would wrinkle and she would purse her lips when she was concentrating. And sometimes, when she didn't know I could see, she would look at me and make an expression...indescribable, it would make my heart stop and then beat double tempo every time I saw it. She looks so peaceful now, almost as if she's just asleep. I am so fooled by her appearance that I have to check her breathing again. Oh, okay.
I don't know whether to be afraid of what I know is coming or not. She has-had her faith. I don't. It was ironic how I would quickly become the skeptic and her, the willing believer, roles reversed, when religion-faith was the X-File. I pray now to a God I hardly believe in, that we will be together. That even though I've been bad and undeserving of the goddess by the name of Dana we do deserve to be together.
I know I won't last long without her now. The future that I'm supposed to fight doesn't matter without her. I feel myself getting cold and snuggle closer to her. So tired. So....
I hear a whirring sound. A helicopter! Help has arrived!
'We're down here! Come quickly! You can still save her. Forget about me! Tend to her. It's not to late damn you!' Did I just think that or did I say it aloud? It doesn't matter now. The sound is getting quieter, further away. I can't open my eyes, I think they're sealed shut from my frozen tears. Oh well, to signal I would have to stand. To leave my warmth. I don't want to do that, don't want to leave my Dana. How good that sounds: Mrs. Spooky Dana Mulder. My own, forev....
So this is what heaven is like. I'm not cold, not hot, not anything. I'm just there. And so is Dana. She's smiling and so am I. We're kissing. I'm so happy, heart bursting happy for once-and from now on. This is what it takes for us to finally be safe, and we are. Safe forever after.