Pretend Living BonnieGayle/Buttercup
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http://members.tripod.com/xtrordinaryxfiles/index.html
12/27/99
Pretend Living
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CLASSIFICATION: I'm creating a new catagory: Pre-Ep! (I am the creator! I am Chris Carter:), Scully angst. But done in a humorous way (I hope). There is UST...kind of. I think on both sides, but it's left to your interpretation of it. Different people have read it differently which I think is cool. Storyish. You see, I'm still not sure whether 'Story' has to do with the length of it or if stuff happens. I dunno. Scully POV which I seem to do a lot of for some reason. Weird!
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RATING: Let's see here, no sex, no death, there is bad language...can I squeak by with a PG-13? Maybe R if bad language bothers you that much.
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SUMMARY: Scully seemed crabbier than usual in Arcadia, didn't she?
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KEYWORDS:A, UST, S, Scully POV
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DISCLAIMER: (Most people try to have fun with this, but personally I just skip it when I'm looking at other sites, so...) The X-Files and everything else related to it belong to Chris Carter, Fox, 1013, David, Gillian, various others, and the BIG BAD WOLVES...umm lawyers! I don't own them, I just borrow them for a while, but I'll try to return them in better shape then I got 'em:>) But if I did own them, not only would I be richer than I deserve to be, this UST mumbo-jumbo would be a bad memory! Hurt belongs to Nine Inch Nails and all associated.
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SPOILERS: Arcadia. Fire is barely mentioned and so is The End. Seriously. Blink and you'll miss them.
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ARCHIVE: Please do. Just keep my name, e-mail addy, and website. You can tell me if you would like.
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FEEDBACK: Yes please. I'll beg if necessary:) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to kill it all away
But I remember...everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

Pretend Living

Mulder's driving as always, but this really isn't as always. We're in a moving van.

We decided to fly to California-both of us had had enough of driving cross-country for one lifetime...but that wasn't my only reason. I've been nervous since the first moment I heard about this case.

Skinner called us into his office and told us to sit.

"I have a case for you that is right up your alley."

Mulder leaned forward in anticipation, "what's it about Sir?"

"I'm sure you've heard of those Planned Communities." We both nodded. "Well this one seems a little more regulated than normal. Residents that don't fit the strident guidelines, and I mean strident, end up murdered. 3 so far."

I could see Mulder mentally rubbing his hands and obviously Skinner saw it too.

"There is one hitch agent Mulder. This neighborhood is very selective about it's residents. If they're strident about their guidelines, they're insane about who actually makes it in. What I want you two to do is to go in there like one of them. Make them comfortable enough so you can find out who's behind this. Act the stereotypical suburban yuppie couple." He stressed the word couple.

Couple? Couple? Mulder and I pretending to be a couple? "NO!" It slipped out before I could help it.

I turned desperately to Mulder, who I noticed looked a little hurt. "Mulder, you don't really want to do this do you? This isn't even an X-file; this is just plain homicide. We just got the X-files back, don't you want to do something paranormal?" I whined. I admit it. I whined like a three-year-old wanting a cookie five minutes before dinner.

Mulder turned to Skinner. "I have to agree with Scully, Sir. I found a bunch of files over our hiatus that I would like to do."

Skinner firmly shook his head. "I have to insist. You're our only partnership that could convincingly pull off a relationship akin to that of a married couple. Davis and Fraser is our only other male-female team, but they?ve only been together four months."

"Couldn't you give this to another department?" I begged. I was still reeling over what he just said.

Skinner actually came close to squirming, quite a sight to see. "The man who was murdered last was my brother's college roommate. He asked me to get this solved as a personal favor."

Mulder looked at me curiously and I begged him with my eyes to say no, no, NO. He shrugged apologetically and turned to Skinner.

"I can see the position you're in. I'm sure Scully and I can manage to pull it off."

Damn.

So, we went down to Evidence and chose home furnishings, a van, clothing, even wedding rings. We didn't pack the moving van though, I convinced Mulder to hire packers to do it.

Even though I could have had that moving van packed in 5 minutes flat like any good navy brat can, it just brings back melancholy memories of leaving one base after another. One friendship after another broken and dull pains all that remained. The smell of Pine-Sol still makes me misty.

We left the next day. I spent the entire flight pretending to sleep. Mulder was acting hurt for some reason and I was pissed that he said yes even when I pleaded with him not to, so we avoided each other during the flight.

I would be perfectly happy to let that continue during our drive. We' re halfway there and the type of silence that feels like an actual person is sitting between us.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Mulder studying his ring.

Mulder glances at me quickly and then back at the road. "It's weird that I don't know this. Ever been married Scully?"

If this is his idea of an icebreaker.... "No."

He looks at me in surprise. "Not even close?"

"Not technically, no." I don't feel like a reach out and touch someone moment.

Mulder is silent for a beat and I can tell he?s waiting for something. God knows what. "Aren't you curious about me?" He finally asks.

"Mulder, I don?t believe you could ever loosen your strangle grip on Samantha enough to even look at another woman." So it was harsh. He deserved it. Now he better not say-.

"You're wrong."

I look at him in shock and he looks at me. Defiant, proud and hurt at the same time. "How wrong." I ask cautiously.

"Completely wrong."

Shock. Utter shock. This isn't Mulder. At least, this isn't the Mulder I know.

"Don't you want to know who I was married to?"

I do. I don't. It's like driving by a fresh accident. You want to look because everyone will discuss their scenarios of how it happened later 'and did you see how the car was just crumpled. Like, like a paper cup. Amazing. and there's a thing to seeing the grisly dead bodies. But you don't want to look because of course there's another thing to seeing grisly dead bodies.

Oh look, there's my heart. It didn?t have a chance. It was a complete surprise. Sideswiped and then boom. Dead. It just happens like that.

Mulder's impatient with my silence. "C'mon and guess."

It's just a game we'll play to pass the time. It's like looking for letters on signs or finding all the state license plates or being the first to spot a brown cow with one horn and 6 legs. Guess who it was that I fucked nightly. Guess who I loved more than I'll ever love you Scully. Guess who I wanted to grow old with. You? Beeep! Wrong. Sorry and play again.

"Phoebe Greene?" I manage to croak out.

"Close." He thinks for a second. "No. Too many head-games. It was a constant mind-fuck with her. I was lucky enough not to get trapped into that."

Who else could it be then? Who else did he know? I think for a second and then...oh my fucking God. It makes some kind of sick and twisted sense if you consider my luck. She is his type. Dark hair. Long legs. The antithesis of Dana Katherine Scully. Please, please, please. If you are a merciful God, please.

"Diana Fowley." I whisper. It?s not a question. I know somehow.

"Hey! You're right! How did you know?"

I suddenly get a flash of Diana's legs wrapped twice around his waist and her tongue stuck in her ear.

"Mulder pull over." Not in front of him. I will NOT vomit in front of him. Leave me that much dignity for heaven's sake.

Mulder looks at me in concern and pulls over. I have the door open before he's come to a complete stop and I try to jump out before I realize I still have my seat belt on. I unclip it with clammy hands and fly out.

I take five steps into the grass and stop. Deep breaths and I'll be fine. Deep breaths and a clear head.

Mulder puts his hand on my shoulder and I jump away.

"I'm taking you to the nearest hospital. You look really sick. Do you have a nosebleed?" Mr. Concern himself.

"It's nothing. It's just. I ate some seafood last night, and then the plane ride and the musty van. It's nothing. I?m fine now." My voice is panicked as it stumbles on and on and then fades out. No more hospitals.

I turn and stalk back to the moving van, avoiding his eyes.

After a moment he comes back and starts the van back up. I can feel his eyes overtly watching me.

This is worse than a car wreck. This is a train wreck. This is a nuclear bomb. This is witnessing your own sloooow and painful death. And yet it?s not enough. Let's speed up the process. Let's hear the details!

"I want to know."

Mulder shakes his head. "I think not."

"You can't just say that and then drop it."

Mulder sighs and then slowly begins. "You know how it started. We were partners when I first started the X-files. We were together...well, you know how it is. You're on the road. Away from everything and everyone with just the other person for company. You get closer. It's inevitable." He sighs and shifts uncomfortably. "We married after six months. We didn't bother to keep it a secret from anyone."

He stops.

"It ended. How did it end?"

A melancholy smile appears on his face and just as quickly is gone. "Well. It was heavenly for about three months. After that, she started getting dissatisfied...or felt she now had the right to mention the dissatisfactions that were already there. She wanted to stop traveling. She wanted to start a family. She wanted me to get a 9 to 5. When I said no, the fighting began. And then the fighting got worse. I realized, none to soon, that I didn't want to bring a child into a family like that. I had intimate experience with how horrible it is. So I suggested a divorce, but I still wanted our partnership to last. She thought that was nuts." Just a second of silence, but when his voice start, it's monotone. "The ink was literally still wet on our divorce papers when she disappeared. No notice, no forwarding address. I never heard anything else from her until we met again in that meeting about Gibson...well, you were there."

"So that's that?" I don't know what to say. Hell, I don't even know what to think.

"Not quite. I don't know if you know this, but I was the one who asked for a partner. I actually asked for a male, but that obviously didn't happen. I asked for everything that is the opposite of Diana. Everything that is you." His voice drops contemplatively. "I set up rules. Rules to keep what had happened before from happening again. Last-name basis only, no weekend visits, don't learn too much...in short, keep it professional and keep it clean." He pauses. "But one by one...." His voice trails off and his eyes drift over to me, but when he sees me studying the Cubic Zirconian glint from my fake ring, as I have been since I got back in the van, his eyes drift back to the road.

Fake ring. Fake life. Fake marriage. Mulder and Diana were true, Mulder and Scully won't be. I realize I have been pretending all this time. Pretending that I have a reason to stay. Pretending I have a future. Pretending I like my life. Pretending I'm in this for me. Pretending the consequences were merely a means to an end. Pretending I'll know when it?s time to stop pretending.

We pull up to the gates of 'The Falls at Arcadia' and Mulder rolls down the window and hands some papers to the guard.

"Names?" The guard barks.

"Rob and Laura Petrie." Mulder says calmly.

I grin in spite of myself and look up for the first time to see what lies ahead of me. I catch a glimpse of perfectly manicured lawns that must be trimmed with nail-clippers and houses with actual white picket fences.

"Enter." The guard seems nicer now. "Welcome to the neighborhood," he calls as the gates grudgingly emit their metallic acceptance.

Mulder turns to me and smiles. "Ready Laura, my love?"

I manage to smile back.

Heck. I should be great at this. I've had tons of experience in the field of pretend living.